This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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