So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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