You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
