Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
