What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
