My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
