you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
