How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
