Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Drunk is not a location!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
