The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
