So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
