things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
