I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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