dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
