a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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