Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
