Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
