just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
