Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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