yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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