i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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