i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
