if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
