His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
