i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
