College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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