I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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