Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
