I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
