bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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