I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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