Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
