My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
