I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
