6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
