If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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