New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
