C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
