Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
