I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
