Pants 0. Shit 1.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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