I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
