So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
