hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
