Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
