I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
