I looked at my own cervix.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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