She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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