Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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