im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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