I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
