I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
