So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
