I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
