I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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