Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
