dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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