i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
