dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
