You don't have asthma, your pregnant
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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