According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We have so much sex to catch up on
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
