I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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