You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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