I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
