Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
